Dear Ronald Reagan,
As a boy with a plethora of conservative friends, I am worried like a caring mother. Where have all the Republicans gone? The global warming sun is shining, but they are not sporting your infamous optimism. Rather, they are donning this spring’s flip-flops in a sad, elementary attempt to make friends. Don’t worry though; I won’t hold their age and inexperience against them. However, I cannot help but notice that compassionate conservatism has sold its soul for an unhealthy dose of flip-floppery.
Could it be that some Republicans are slowly arriving at the realization that they do not reside in reality, but rather in a far-off imaginary world where climate change is still a hoax, Brokeback Mountain never happened, and God hates Harry Potter? Well, sometimes life just doesn’t turn out to be what you expected. Republican candidates are now backing off their rose-tinted views of Iraq and close-minded opposition to global warming and evolution. Slowly but surely, they are becoming Democratized.
It speaks volumes when the leading “Republican” presidential candidate is a pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-civil union, pro-rent control New Yorker. Naturally, many members of the Republican base are not happy about this development, so they went searching for an answer in the hills of Tennessee. No, it’s not Al Gore, but a man by the name of Fred Thompson. I must say, it is rather disheartening when the supposed savior of conservatism is none other than Arthur Branch on “Law and Order.” Don’t get me wrong, it’s a thoroughly wonderful television program and I’m sure Fred Thompson is a swell guy, but how many actors does one party really need? Maybe it would be nice to get a little diversity in the cast. Perhaps a woman, or a minority, or even Karl Rove would find a way to put a sick twist in this all too predictable plot.
All gripes aside, I thank you President Reagan for making Mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall. Walls are such a superficial solution to complex problems. Maybe your disciples could take a lesson in that when dealing with our border security.
Anyway, thanks for making the 1980s the 1980s and God Bless America.
Democratically yours,
Aaron J. Tinjum
As a boy with a plethora of conservative friends, I am worried like a caring mother. Where have all the Republicans gone? The global warming sun is shining, but they are not sporting your infamous optimism. Rather, they are donning this spring’s flip-flops in a sad, elementary attempt to make friends. Don’t worry though; I won’t hold their age and inexperience against them. However, I cannot help but notice that compassionate conservatism has sold its soul for an unhealthy dose of flip-floppery.
Could it be that some Republicans are slowly arriving at the realization that they do not reside in reality, but rather in a far-off imaginary world where climate change is still a hoax, Brokeback Mountain never happened, and God hates Harry Potter? Well, sometimes life just doesn’t turn out to be what you expected. Republican candidates are now backing off their rose-tinted views of Iraq and close-minded opposition to global warming and evolution. Slowly but surely, they are becoming Democratized.
It speaks volumes when the leading “Republican” presidential candidate is a pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-civil union, pro-rent control New Yorker. Naturally, many members of the Republican base are not happy about this development, so they went searching for an answer in the hills of Tennessee. No, it’s not Al Gore, but a man by the name of Fred Thompson. I must say, it is rather disheartening when the supposed savior of conservatism is none other than Arthur Branch on “Law and Order.” Don’t get me wrong, it’s a thoroughly wonderful television program and I’m sure Fred Thompson is a swell guy, but how many actors does one party really need? Maybe it would be nice to get a little diversity in the cast. Perhaps a woman, or a minority, or even Karl Rove would find a way to put a sick twist in this all too predictable plot.
All gripes aside, I thank you President Reagan for making Mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall. Walls are such a superficial solution to complex problems. Maybe your disciples could take a lesson in that when dealing with our border security.
Anyway, thanks for making the 1980s the 1980s and God Bless America.
Democratically yours,
Aaron J. Tinjum
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home